Restless...

He's my best friend. I hate who he has become. I can't talk to him. I don't want to talk to him when he is rude and cold to me. I have poured my heart out and it seems to fall on deaf ears, and a black, tar heart. I don't know what happened. Could it be a brain injury? Is this due to his mental health issues? I have so much on my plate. I miss my husband...but I am tired of telling him and feeling crushed when he doesn't respond. I've decided to stop taking his calls, and not answer his texts. He only communicates when he needs something. He needs to miss me. I am just going to have to focus on everything around me...except him. He is acting like a single man...and well if that continues he may end up a single man. Family is not about putting yourself first...it is about lifting those up around you and doing what needs to be done for your loved ones. It is selfish to only worry about yourself and isolate yourself from your loved ones. I think about this and then feel guilty about wanting to protect myself from his hurtful behavior. What I have learned is...I have put him first and it failed. It is not selfish of me to save my energy and take care of myself. So...when I feel like I wanna talk to him. I have decided to write here...or write him a letter; which I will keep...and if he wants them one day he can have them. This is hard. I am scared. I don't want my marriage to fail...and I don't want to have to admit that I chose a heartless man. 

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