It didn't hurt them...it hurt me...you murdered us!

In the scheme of things...I hope you eventually find love for yourself. I know you never got to hurt M, or T, or your mother the same way they hurt you...and I know you wanted them to feel your wrath...and the pain they caused you. No they will never know. They will continue living their happy lives, no worse off than they have ever been. They got away with everything they did to you...just as you hated yet knew they would. Forgiving them and moving on was just too much...though you never let them off the hook...they will never know how they hurt you. I , on the other hand , know exactly how bad they hurt you. I felt every bit of hatred you had for them...everyday. I listened, held you when you cried, and loved you through the fear...and felt every ugly word you said to them while looking at me. I felt every snarling remark, every disrespectful thing you wanted to say to them...yet said directly to me. I felt every ounce of pain in each one of your fears...and in every nightmare. It was me...that recieved every slap, kick, and jab that you wished to throw their way...it all came in the form of anger and words...but each syllable stung like your fingerprints across my heart. No they will never know the pain they caused you...but I will. I will live with this hole in my heart where you once resided. The you that made me laugh so much I couldn't breathe...or my blood pressure rose. The you that held me so tightly til I believed I could believe in you...and love again. The you that promised to always be there for me...til death do us part. No...those women will never know the impact their hurtful words, deception, and physical abuse had on you...but I will...for the rest of my life I will be broken...just like you were when they treated you so unkind and inhuman. No they won't know the pain they caused...but you will...everytime you reach out to me...and you remember why I'm not there.

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