I slice open my soul and spill my inner most thoughts and feelings at his feet. His silence feels dismissive. Is it better than hearing untruths? At this point, I wonder why I'm still trying. What are the steps for surviving a spouse's recovery? Not a recovery from chemicals...but a recovery from physical and emotional abuse?
Some days he recognizes that he has become his abusers...yet other days he refuses to acknowledge how hurtful and selfish he is. Is he trying...yes...going to meetings and counseling. I used to be stronger than this. Why can't I deal with his behavior any more? Why do I feel so worn down and defeated? How can we have 40 years together if I am ready to give up now?
I am the last to give up...where can I draw strength to keep going? I am spiritual...but it doesn't feel like it is helping any longer. I have discovered I am now the emotionally abused. That's so not me...I am the strong one. How did I get here?
How do ya give up when someone is trying to do better...how do ya stay when they keep relapsing?