I can't shake it...

It won't go away. This pain in my heart...this rumble in my gut. This feeling of being misunderstood...it is the one feeling that I haven't been able to shake...not but for a precious moment. There was one moment when I felt understood. He was talking...

I'm going to vomit...

I'm sure I've messed up again. He's gonna have one more reason to hate me...one more reason to justify how horrible I am. I don't feel like I can get ahead. I can't get ahead of his misunderstandings. My actions and my intentions are always misread. I...

Why did I chose him?

He is broken just like me. He understands my pain and my heartbreak because he experienced the same things. He is angry about his crappy life...I am also angry about the crap that has happened in my life. He was cheated on...he would never do that to...

For you J...7.19.17

I'm so fragile right now. Sitting here watching K and L work. Listening to the people talk, and watching the couples interact. The radio is blasting country music..."we'll build this love from the ground up..." The couple across from me is...

Deja vu...

It feels like I've done this day before. I barely slept last night...thoughts of his words echoing in my head. "I don't want any contact with you. If I have to get a no contact order, I will. Don't call, don't text, I don't want to see you. I am not...

Feeling Betrayed

No matter how betrayed and angry I feel, I miss my husband. I am intensely distressed by his frigidness. Mental health disorders are toxic. No matter how honest, respectable, innocent, worthy, selfless, or loving I am...he sees me as a monster....

Restless...

He's my best friend. I hate who he has become. I can't talk to him. I don't want to talk to him when he is rude and cold to me. I have poured my heart out and it seems to fall on deaf ears, and a black, tar heart. I don't know what happened. Could it...

Stuck on Repeat, repeat, repeat...

I am a scratched record, or a song stuck on repeat. Why am I so surprised when he is rude and cold? I knew he was mentally ill. I thought it was treatable...and maybe it is...for someone that wants to feel better. I am reminded of the song by Papa...